What I've Come To Realize ♥

I'm not a morning person.

I'm not a day person.

I'm not a night person.

I'm beginning to think that I'm...

{not a person at all.}

♥

-akilah...the dark hearted one

"All BLACK Everything"

HEY MY PRETTY BITCHESSSS!!! :D

I'm bizzack on my blog game and I know you all are glad...cuz i missed y'all like i know y'all missed me! (LOL) There has been soooo much that has gone on in my life since my last post, and I felt like it was time to let it all out! As you all can see, I've got a new blog look going on up in here...i call it the "ALL BLACK EVERYTHING" look...(kudos to Jay-Z!) not only do I think the whole "black" concept is dope, it happens to be one of my favorite colors and it is also representative about the current emotional state that I'm in. (hahaaa, i know that sounded really depressing)...but nah, it's not even like that.

See, I just went through some SERIOUS heartbreak...so I have decided to take a break from "Love" for awhile...i have a dark heart...a black heart...for now, anyway. I am in the process of re-focusing my love from a man...to my dreams.

I will go more into this whole heartbreak situation in my next blog...I just wanted to everyone to know that I'm BACK...and BLACK! :D

Fabulously,

Akilah...the dark hearted one. ♥

" If you can't RESPECT that, your whole perspective is wack, maybe you'll LOVE me when i fade to BLACK..."

-Jay-Z

The Secret Agenda of Trees...

♥ ♥ ♥

I went to see a play the other night with Amen for my invite to theatre class called “the secret agenda of trees”, and to be honest…when I first heard the name I definitely laughed and pre judged it. I ignorantly assumed that it would be some experimental theatre…aka “white people shit” that goes completely over my head. But to my surprise and delight, this play was nothing like that. It was in my FAVORITE theatre genre, contemporary American realism (woot!) and it was effing amazing!!!

There was this one particular quote that stood out to me in the play, and I guess this is how they got the name…but the little girl says this in one of her monologues: 

“What is the secret agenda of trees….why do they claw so desperately towards the sky?”

I don't know man...that quote just hit me for some reason...i really had to think about that shit...and it really is a good question. Why are trees constantly growing???...ascending towards the heavens...away from it all..away from us all.

Maybe we as humans should be like trees. focused on upward mobility. focused on SELF GROWTH and PERSERVERANCE. Maybe the reason why GOD created trees was to show humans how we are supposed to live...maybe GOD was trying to tell us that we should live our lives CONSTANTLY trying to move towards him...constantly trying to reach the heavens...

"The things that really matter are NOT of this WORLD or of this EARTH

Let's look to the SKIES to find our WORTH"

truthfully,

                   Akilah ♥

P.S. ( Be like TREES!!! c:)

My SUPER BOO ♥

LOOK at HIM...he can be my SUPER BOO...INTELLECTUAL, SEXY...his style is SICK, his face is DOPE! c:

I must say...I am really feeling this guy right now, and I have a feeling that he is about to become a bona fide SUPERSTAR...he is really like a YOUNGER, SEXIER, and HUMBLER version of Kanye...in other words, the man is PERFECT!!!! But I am like blasting him non stop...got both of his mixtapes "A Kid Named Cudi" and 'The Best of Kid Cudi", definitely ADDICTED to this cat right now...can't wait for his album to drop, though...yo. Also, if you want to get a taste of his flawlessness come out to BBKings on 42nd St. this EASTER SUNDAY (lol i know) to see him live in concert!!! whoop whoop! (B.A.M. will DEF be up in that piece!!! )

Checkout my super boo's blog: http://www.kidcudi.com/news c:

My Future BABY DADDY ♥

For some reason...I always FALL in LOVE with guys from OHIO...

the both times that I have been in love  in my life has been with dudes from OH

lucky for me...Kid Cudi hails from the city of CLEVELAND!

YESSSSSSSS! ♥ ;-)

I would LICK that mohawk...LOL!!

I LOVE HIS STYLE.

" I NEVER gave a FUCK...I never gave a fuck about what NIGGAS THOUGHT about ME...I mean I DID...but like FUCK IT, know what I'm saying...you gone LOVE me, man...YOU GONE LOVE ME!"

-Kid Cudi, "Man On The Moon"

That's exactly how we are SUPPOSED to feel.

-Akilah ♥

To the KING... ♥

T.I.P. is going away for a while...a year and a day to be exact...and it really saddens me to hear this because not only do i LOVE him, but he is truly an example of a life turned around for the better. I respect and admire T.I. not only for his amazing artistry...but as a man...I only wish him the best as he turns himself in to the 'belly of the beast'.

We will miss you, TIP ♥

Now that is one SEXY man....LOL :-)

Anyways...I just want to leave y'all with some of his most inspirational lyrics...

"MISTAKES  made on this road to WEALTH, and I still ain't forgave myself

Ay, What I am today I made MYSELF, and I still ain't forgave myself"

-TIP "Still ain't forgave myself", I'm Serious

fabulously,

                      Akilah :-)

Steal MY Show?!?!...OH HELL NO BISH!!!!

Hmm...let's think of a scenario:

Lets say that i was the LEADING LADY in a fabulous modern day LOVE story on 

BROADWAY... ♥

So as the leading lady it is my job to keep my audience captivated throughout the show's ENTIRETY...but...what if some other chick in the cast comes along in one of the scenes and starts trying to UPSTAGE me...she is shucking and jiving and the audience is just eating that shit up!!! laughing, smiling, and applauding away!!! what do i do??? do i just give up? Do i just walk off the stage and let her have all MY GLORY, MY FAME, MY APPLAUSE??....do i let this bitch who ISN'T the leading lady steal MY show?? the one that i worked hard to get??? or do i stay on stage and shuck and jive and dance and sing LOUDER, HARDER and BETTER than her, until the audience is once again mesmerized by my performance and throwing roses at my feet?

hmmm...I guess the answer is easy when i put it that way...but what if this scenario is NOT about a broadway play at all...what if it is about LOVE...or a RELATIONSHIP???

What do I do if someone has come along and stole what i THOUGHT was rightfully mine? I mean i like the guy...he's not perfect...but i think it could work possibly...but he is paying this other chick some attention now...should i just let it go and move on...or should i fight for it, take back what was mine???

I dunno...something inside of me is saying "just let it go, if it is for you, then it shall be yours..." but on the other hand something inside of me...maybe it's my pride, is telling me to "fuck that bish, she can't steal YO show!!!!"

oh, love ♥

On "Miss Evers' Boys" and Freedom...

I was so blessed to be able to see an AMAZING performance tonight...

it was a play entitled "Miss Evers' Boys" directed by renowned BLACK broadway director, Kenny Leon and starring the lovely, multi-talented Ms. Jasmine Guy!!!

She did effing AMAZING!!! she is DEF one of my idols in theatre...and YES she is from ATLANTA, GEORGIA...so i have EXTRA love for her!!! She is also a TRIPLE THREAT as she can sing, dance (she was AILEY trained!!!) and obviously act. the BITCH is BAD. Im a FAN.

The play was set back in the 1930's-40's when the U.S. government was holding an experiment on four men in Tuskegee, Alabama where they observed the effects that Syphillis had on them...but tricked them and told them that they were being treated. So basically the government sat back and watched these poor, ignorant men die and go crazy from Syphillis while they were watching and taking notes....this is a true story. It hurts me so much to know that they did this...but hey, it's AmeriKKKa... 

But yeah, this play really resonated with me and really got me thinking about my life and my people and what I owe to them and what I owe to myself...Alot of this play dealt with the battle Miss Ever's had to go through by staying true to her work (nursing), and staying true to her people...and the four men from Tuskegee unknowingly sacrificed themselves for their people by participating in the experiment.

hmmm...could i sacrifice MY LIFE, for MY PEOPLE???

would i myself DIE...so that thousands of others could LIVE???

would i be dedicated to my work sooo much that I could deceive people i love so that the wider world could be spared???

I may never know.

but there was an amazing quote from one of the characters in this play...Willie Johnson...after the Syphillis had taken over his body and left him crippled in one leg, his dreams of becoming a dancer in the cotton club in Harlem were shattered...this is all that he had to say:

"MY BODY, WAS MY FREEDOM..."

For Willie, dancing was the only thing in the world that he could do without restraint, in full capacity of himself...his soul was freed through the meticulous motions of his body's own divine creation...and it was taken from him. We must all learn from Willie.

WE must find whatever it is that FREES us and hold onto it for DEAR life.

I found mine...and my grip is getting tighter everyday.

fabulously,

                     Akilah ♥

...it's getting SERIOUS ladies and gents...

So it's DEFINITELY safe to say that i have an OBSESSION with Kanye's love life..

but really, can you blame me??? it's WAAAAY more interesting than mine

;-) ♥

I mean REALLY, guys...i honestly thought that this Kanye/Amber Rose thing was just a phase...you know, a rebound type deal...but they are beginning to look like they are getting serious...I mean, she ain't only just accompanying him at the CLUB and shit no more...Bitch is getting trips to fashion shows, concerts, and PARIS for crying out loud!!! hmmm....a little scandalous if you ask me..

I'll admit...Amber Rose is starting to grow on me..they are so darn FLY together....

I guess you really CAN turn a HOE into a HOUSEWIFE....

we shall see.  

fabulously,

                    Akilah ♥

WHERE OH WHERE....is my DAMN WALLET?!?!?

I lost my GOSH DARN wallet...

who the heck KNOWS where it is....

I cannot concentrate on the BAJILLION things that I have to do right now because I am wondering where the FREAK my darn wallet is...ugh

is it cold?

is it lonely??

is it STOLEN????

sigh.....

oh WHERE, oh WHERE are you my precious wallet.....

I just PRAY that I find you tomorrow.

:-(

(on the real tip though...I have lost my wallet...it is REALLY small and brown and just opens...it only has two compartments which are clear thingies that you put cards in...the only thing in my wallet is my credit card and my license....if you see that junk PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know...it is DEF vital to my existence....fur rizzle.) ♥

brokely,

                Akilah

NATIVE SON...

For the last couple of months, my life has been CONSUMED by "Native Son", directed by my big brudda Amen Igbinosun...."Native Son" is my theatre debut at Fordham and I am sooooo freaking ecstatic that I was able to be apart of it!! I love my cast...they are all just so freaking TALENTED!! and OMG even though we be in rehearsal from 4:00 in the afternoon until 2:00 the next morning, we still find the bright sight of things and end up acting a damn FOOL and having the time of our lives...it just sucks that it will be over all too soon...(we premiere TOMORROW til sunday)

 But, that is the nature of the theatre I guess...You're together for all of these weeks and months on end...you become a family, and then all of a sudden it's over. back to reality. You may or may not see any of these people who you have created a so called "family" with again...and if you do, it's never the same. The bond that is created can NEVER be duplicated. Maybe that is why theatre stresses living in the moment so much...maybe it's because the moment is all you have....because when it is all said and done and you've taken your bow, received your audience and the lights go down and the set is torn to pieces you essentially have nothing left....nothing physical anyway...The magic of theatre is that it can only live on in our minds and in our hearts...it is our job as the actors to get it there....it is the audience's job to keep it there.

There is this one guy. Rodney. Rodney Mann...or should I say Bigger?? Bigger Thomas, the native son himself...the young man whom this entire play is about. He is the TRUTH. Rodney really surprised me with his passionate portrayal of the very troubled Bigger Thomas. I am literally blown away EVERY NIGHT that he performs. You can tell that this man has truly submitted himself to his character because when he is on stage I can see no one but Bigger Thomas....Rodney Mann ain't no where to be found. It is amazing. Rodney is a novice actor but he most definitely has the potential and the raw talent to go really far with his acting....I am just beyond impressed, and I am glad that I got to witness his progression and...I am a fan. ♥

But yeah...Native Son has truly been an experience for me...Sometimes I feel as if I am going to get permanent wrinkles in my face because of all the crying I do. My body aches, my feet are sore, my eyes have bags under them, and my voice is shot. But i LOVE it. every minute of it. 

Come see it: Friday, March 6-7 at 8pm and March 8 at 3pm in Collins Auditorium

"There was something he KNEW and something he FELT; something the world gave him and something he himself had...Never in all his life, with this BLACK skin of his, had the TWO worlds, THOUGHT and FEELING, WILL and MIND, ASPIRATION and SATISFACTION been together; never had he felt a sense of WHOLENESS."

-Richard Wright ("Native Son")

fabulously,

                     Akilah ♥

"My 25 (OC) things"

Ok guys...I thought I could hold out...but i just couldn't..i am FINALLY writing that stupid "25 things about me" thing that is going around...here goes nothing. ♥

1. I dream BIG...i mean HUGE...i always have, and I think that I always will ♥

2. When I grow up (lol)...I want to be an award winning ACTRESS of the STAGE (broadway) and SCREEN (hollywood)...it's my ULTIMATE goal.

3. I have come to the conclusion that i am INSANE...like forreal. I do.

4. I am like SUPER dramatic...i can't help it..I do the MOST at all times..for NO reason..it's really sad, actually..lol as Martika would say: "I force it."

5. I am a SOUTHERN girl with BIG CITY aspirations... Atlanta is my birthplace and my LOVE, but NYC is where I'm at now and probably where I will be for a while..i'm really feeling it here.

6. I'm really gangster. My friends know this. I am like a frickin' HARDCORE rap fan...when i was little i really THOUGHT i was Tupac...it was crazy.

7. I am a VERY moody, emotional and sensitive person...I like to think that b/c i am an actor I am "in touch with my emotions"..but really, I FLIP OUT on people sooo easily...I think i need anger management (lol)...but I cry really easily too...and then sometimes i'm like OD happy hyper...it's weird.

8. I love ALL forms of ART. I choose to indulge in art in all it's various forms whether it be acting, singing, dancing, writing, drawing, design, painting, photography...I do it all and have tried it all. 

9. Speaking of ART...ever since I was little I have always loved to write. I have tons of finished/unfinished stories, poems, songs and journals all over my room at home. But recently I have been working on my stage and screenplay ideas...I have some really good ones....I hope to produce/direct some of my work one day on broadway or on film. I still dabble in poetry and songwriting from time to time. 

10. Fashion is a VERY important part of who I am. I am a shopaholic and i absolutely LOVE clothes...but i don't consider myself materialistic. Fashion is DEFINITELY one of my passions, though...I need to slow it down at Urban Outfitters, though...yesterday i spent a fucking HOLE in my pocket! :-/

11. I LOVE my family sooo much..as imperfect and crazy as they are..I really and truly love those people. I miss them SSSOOOO much being here at Fordham. It's going to be really hard to be away from them while i'm in NYC pursuing my dreams...but i have to have my OWN life.

My parents are literally like my best friends...it's crazy being way from them.

12. I really wish I had a better relationship with my brothers...I really do. It is sad but I am closer to my male cousins than my own brothers, shit, my cousins are more of brothers to me than any of my brothers have ever been. But I love my nieces and nephew like my own children, and because of them, I will be forever grateful to my brothers for making them! :-)

13. There is this girl named Chandra Browning...she is my best friend...forever. no questions asked. ♥

14. Speaking of friends...I have come to learn about this unique species over the years. I have found that everyone CANNOT handle being my friend, and that I likewise CANNOT handle being everyone's friend...I hold LOYALTY, TRUST and RESPECT above everything in friendships..and once those three things are broken, I just cut the person off completely. 

15. I have always thought that I was slightly psychic for some reason...i dunno, i just have random visions/premonitions/intuitions/dreams/deja vu/...they are really weird and scary...they even come true sometimes...lol... :-/

16. My name means "intelligent one with the ablility to reason"...it's arabic. c: 

17. I have been in love two times in my entire life. It is the greatest feeling in the world...but it really does make you crazy. I lost my mind my junior year after my first love broke my heart...it took me a year and a half to get over him. But seriously, love is amazing...and it's worth it even when you get your heart broken...you learn alot about yourself.

18. I most definitely have one of THE most random lives ever...stupid things happen to me all the time, and I always seem to get myself into some kind of adventure in one way or another...lol especially with Chandra...or Martika.

19. Crazy people are attracted to me and Martika. i mean it NEVER fails, anywhere we go we absolutely HAVE to be assailed by some low life bum or crack fiend. lol. There was this one time when we got STALKED by an Asian beggar on 42nd st. and i cannot forget the time when we were harassed by the barefoot junkie outside of pugsley's...lol good times.

20. Black men rock my world. There is really is just nothing like a Black man. They are just so effing sexy. It's like they inherently possess this sort of masculinty, swagger, strength and confidence that I just cannot get over... ♥ I like white, hispanic and asian guys too...but it's just something about a fine brother that gets me every time. c:

21. I want Oprah to be my godmother...lol, i really do. One day i hope to play her in the movie about her life. That would really make my life complete!!! lol

22. For some reason, I've always wanted a big ass curly fro'...when i make it big...i'm gonna rock one! LOL (weave is AMAZING!!!)

23. I am soooo proud of one of my most recent proejcts: "The B.A.M. blog", this thing has really taken off, and I am sooo in love with it, and even more proud of it! My girls Martika and Brittany truly are the VERY BEST!!!  I love those girlies...I have a feeling that the blog is really going places. (check it out on my facebook!!!)

24. Fordham is an amazing and intriguing place...I'm glad I'm here. I don't know why yet, but I really feel like God has placed me here for a reason...I'm proud to be a ram!! whoop whoop!

25. I make mistakes...sooo many...but even still, NO REGRETS!!!

Fabulously,

                       akilah ♥

"I would do ANYTHING that Kan Likes...."

Kanye West is a soul that never ceases to PERPLEX and AMAZE me... ♥

I'm just chilling at rehearsal right now waiting for my scene to come up....looking at some old Kanye Videos...this man is FUCKING AMAZING!!! so innovative, so creative...so unique. He is not afraid to push the envelope and go against the grain...you can tell that he is in it for the ARTISTRY and not just for the fame and the material things...but you gotta admit, the nigga is FRESH...SO DOPE. c:

my DREAM is to find a guy with "Kanye Swag"...hmmmm, maybe one day. 

but anyways...I was reading this article about him in VIBE and how bout this fool FELL ASLEEP in the middle of the interview...lol...I wonder what the fuck the person interviewing him did after that...I bet shit was awkward...

but anyways, the "Louis Vuitton Don" did, infact complete the interview...{3 days later}. HE'S A DIVA.

But can you BLAME HIM?? This man is fucking RUNNING circles around mostly EVERY 

artist out there as far a lyrics, concepts, videos, fashion and everything else! This nigga KNOWS he's the shit too...here are some Kanye quotables from the VIBE article:

"Maybe i'll make half of what someone else makes. But I think I'll make histor

y at the same time. Or change people's mind about hip hop culture, about black culture, and do something people will remember for the rest of their lives. That's more important than money."

...That whole concept is just so dope to me. do what you do for CHANGE..not for a paycheck, cuz in the end, people aren't going to remember you for the clothes you rocked or the cars you bought...they're gonna remember you for the shit you changed, the difference you made in the world. And that is really what I'm trying to do with my acting thing...change the way Blacks are depicted in film and televison... and also redefine the fucked up standard of beauty for Black women...but that's another blog...but yeah, Kanyeezy is the VERY BEST. ♥

Random Facts:

-Kanye wants to pose NAKED one day...(i'm not so excited for that one...yikes!)

-the ORIGINAL title for his fourth album was supposed to be [GOOD ASS JOB] (lol :-/)

-He now refers to himself as "Martin Louis the King"...(?!!?!?!?!!)

-He doesn't listen to rap in his apartment...

-He is currently dating a bald chick: AMBER ROSE (see photos below)

HA! this is Amber Rose..

 

I mean YEAH, she's dope or whatever...cuz any woman who can pull off a blonde buzz cut is FIERCE...but, I just think she is a step down from Kanye's ex fiance Alexis Phifer. (the girl who 808's and Heartbreak is about) I just feel that Amber Rose is a DOWNGRADE from Alexis because first of all she is a VIDEO HOE, while

 Alexis is SUPER CLASSY:

: and she has a REAL CAREER...and i heard from a VERY credible celebrity gossip site that Amber has been "run through" by alot of industry people...yuck. Kanye is too good just to be sporting any kinda hoochie on his arm...but you got to give it to him cuz ALL his bitches have impeccable style! ♥

But my rant on Kanye is done...for now. 

"They say your ATTITUDE determines your LATITUDE...{high} as a motherfucker...{fly} as a motherfucker"

-Kanye West

fabulously,

                          Akilah ♥

 

School is for the BIRDS!!!! c:

Lol...i can't belive that i have actually mustered enough energy to even ATTEMPT to write this blog! (hopefully i can get through this...LOL)

I am seriously SO over school. I am ready to pursue my dreams with everything I have. I feel like it is time for me to put all of my energy into being what I know that I am destined to be. I literally feel like a zombie walking around this campus...it's not for me. I need to be out in the world doing what I love to do: acting, performing, traveling, meeting new exciting people and everything else that goes along with it. Martika and I have this conversation almost DAILY about how we need to get on our grind and start going to castings...i mean, yeah it SOUNDS good...but we NEVER have fucking time to even FIND castings, let alone GO to them! School is ssssoooo effing time consuming...but don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE Fordham and the people here and learning...but I think it is deterring me from my dreams...I feel like this is my time to really pursue this acting thing...I'm in the prime of my life, and i'm not getting any younger...this is really it. School is valuable...but in the end...what is life REALLY about. I want to live life to the FULLEST...without bounds... ♥

I'll make it.

OMG!!! this bitch---->  TORE IT UP at the Oscars this year!!! It was a tribute to Musicals as Movies....and if you know me, then you know I am a HUGE musical theatre head...but Beyonce is TRULY a triple threat...she is probably the greatest entertainer of our time...like the female Michael Jackson or something...i really love her. c:

and OMFG...don't get me started on THIS BITCH!! ---->  She is the TRUTH. She is on her way to being one of the BEST Black actresses of all time...(she will most def surpass Angela Bassett). This woman is an amazing actress....she TRANSFORMS in every film that she's in, and I just respect and admire her artistry soooo much. I mean, this woman made her film debut in the most GHETTO film of LIFE: "Baby Boy", and now she is starring in Oscar worthy films alongside talents like Brad Pitt...now that is WORK. I want to BE just like if not BETTER than Taraji P. Henson...she is truly and inspiration. But yo, it's crazy cuz she took a similar path that I am on now...She graduated from Howard University as a Theatre major...which is consequently the same thing I am doing at Fordham...hmm...so maybe college ISN'T such a waste of time???

TANGENT--------> I mean yes, I want to be an actor...but not just ANY actor...not just a fucking bullshitter who gets parts solely on looks and connections. I want to be a TRUE artist...so maybe it IS a good thing that I am in school because I am getting the proper training to do what I want to do...I want to PERFECT my craft...and I was once told by a great black Broadway Actress (Montego Glover) that all the actors who have longevity have gone to school...

 <----This is Montego...she is INTENSE...but she is also SUPER AWESOME! 

maybe i'll stick it out.  

only time will tell.

i am soooo biting my girl Tiks right now...but i'm gonna end with a quote c:

" I'm about to break the rules...but don't tell anybody...I'm no longer confused...but don't tell anybody...I got something better than school...but don't tell anybody....My mama would kill me...so don't tell anybody...she wants me to get a good ass job...just like everybody...she ain't walked in MY SHOES........I'M JUST NOT EVERYBODY."

-KANYE WEST

"Graduation Day" from The College Dropout

The Life Inside...

Wow...my first blog...I guess I will start off with a bit about who i am.

The closest that i can bring myself to defining myself are these three things:

BLACK. WOMAN. ARTIST. In no particular order because I feel that these things are all equally intrinsically me...I feel like these three elements of my being have really shaped the type of person that i am...

I am soooooo sleepy. im gonna finish this ish tomorrow. maybe.

lol

im bad at this.

♥